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Help! Im hurting so much.Matured answers only.Loong story.?

Have you gone through such a heartache, ran out of answers and left broken & so weak?.Seriously im often now experiencing a ball of fire in my heart.I worry at times im gonna die but then, im not even afraid of death anymore i ve been through sooo much-i think, so what's death. IM Just >30 i was married once in a rush, my plans failed, and my marriage.I left my husband in fear of what he was doing (drugs) will kill us both.I helped him out of it with fight.(i insured him).We had the best times i ever had in my life.I was nt close w/his mother bcause in the beginning she never liked me, he fought for me and over time she begin to like me and overly excited every time she saw me she'd run to me saying "my baby".I was confused but she was trying very hard.I was slow. He asked me we should split bcause he was never sane when we're got married, i refused but he insisted and started telling me all he wanted from me was sex.I was hurt badly by this.I finally filed for divorce.From then i lost my mind. To make it worse his mother died, he called me to ask of other things he never mentioned he mother was dying, neither told me she'd died.I spoke w/her she never mentioned she was very ill, but she insited i email her.At this time i was in another state in USA. Im hurting often, too many freak dates,all i think of better choice is my ex.What can i do?I believe there was not enough communication btn us(me and my ex)I admit having bad influences around.But i miss him deeply...he posted a statement on my space sayin.."is it better to love and lost and never to have loved at all but now i never knew how bad it could hurt to loose something you really never had" I sent him a card of how i felt he responded that he wishes me well i should move on he is not the same man i knew and that since his mother died(the only parent) he went cold, he's dead.He cares for me and wishes me well.I should be free to move on. I have seen counselors, i read alot of self help books,been in churches but wow! things are harder.Im very responsible.Online dating is crazy.My family overly demanding...so im fed up w/them.Wrong guys falling inlove /me, the one i liked was nt honest.I just cannt see anyone like my ex. ANY opinions? similar stories? Since we split it's been 5 years.Im sooo moody now at my job they all know me for moodiness.I can be super nice next second quite the oppossite and so sensitive.Although i have moments of faith and peace.Im curious when will this moods swing out from me for good? Should i attaempt reach my ex at all? Im good ive searched myself and im happy but i think my hurt comes from; My marriage failure,new freaky relationship failures(i had no i broke them all off),overly demanding family, losing on my ex's mom...whom i constantly regret not getting to know her better as she was eager to. I just dont see men the same.Every one i see is worser than the other.I specifically know what i want, is like i care zeroX.I wont settle.

Public Comments

1. wow...
2. I was married to a crack head who would physically and mentally abuse me. Not to mention he cheated on me. Anyways we had great times together and alot in common. I can about garantee you I loved me ex hubby as much if not more then you love your current ex. Guess what Im now over him I dont even remember why I loved him. I though I would never be able to move on. I felt like I didnt want anyone else but him but guess what, I do. I dont care for him nor have feelings for him anymore. With time away from him and a new love in my life for the past 2 years, ive now realized that when you are actually over someone you wonder why did I even torture myself after we broke up.
3. I had a love of my life for 2 years that told me how he loved me and so forth and then 2 years on the nose told me he never even liked me and that he renounced God and had joined a cult. I was beyond devasted. For the next two years I sat on my floor and cried. I did not speak to anyone. I did nothing but work and take one step after the next. I felt like a zombie. It hurt so bad sometimes I thought I coudln't breathe. It truly was the most horrible heartache of my life. So with all of my heart I understand how you feel. And I felt the same there was no one but him. I still after that first two years it took me a series of bad relationships, very bad, to stop and let him go. Even that hurt like hell. It has now been 14 years and though I can breathe without the pain and I don't physcially hurt anymore I still think of him. But those pains and suffereings did pass. The one thing I didn't do that I had wished I had done was go to grief counseling. Because it took me almost 10 years to do that and once I did I felt like a million chains and thunder storms had been removed from me. It took going to a couple to find one I could really talk too. And then it took all but 6 months of counseling for me. I really pray sweetheart that you will find peace, joy and hope so that you may have someone that deserves how truly beautiful you are.
4. ... well, first off I'm sorry that you went through that... I'm only 21 so I can't say I have any simular stories. One thing I would like to mention is that you are still quite young, you have lots of time to get over your ex. I think that eventually one day you get over him and be able to date again. You need to make sure that you keep going to counseling for this to help you through it. Also IMO you should worry about feeling happier first before you think about getting back out and dating again. God Bless you.
5. A broken heart is going to take time to heal. You just need to take this time now and do some soul searching. Mourn your loss this is a healthy thing to do. They say losing someone close to you is like experiencing heartbreak after losing someone to death. It takes at least 3 years to get over the death of a loved one. I suggest you focus on yourself and improving who you are, this is very important this will open you eyes to who you are and what you want out of life. I have written an article that I want to invite you to read. Go to: http://www.ehow.com/how_4683409_overcome-break-up.html. I want to leave you with this thought, only you can make the decision to heal and move on with your life. You have your whole life ahead of you so why stay stuck in the past! Pick yourself up and start living again. Take care and God bless!
6. I am not sure I can help much. but I do know you need to move on as he said. you cannot keep thinking about what has happen if you wish to get over this. I can tell you what you need, to be able to get threw this. but I am not sure you will try. but you need to find another guy. being with someone will not only help take your mind off this but in time you will find your feelings will turn to the new guy you are with. and you will then realize that you love him now. so the pain will be gone. you may not think so, but it does work. it is best to try then to sit around with worry and feeling down all the time, right. so give it a try, you will be happy you did.